Telling the Truth Love on a Train
by apple6
Summary: Sophia and Naomi.The complete story of why Naomi cheated and why Sophia died and how Cook was involved.Please review!
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first story (apart from the jokey ep 8 thing) and I wanted to work out why Love on a Train happened – the pivotal moment for series 4. It's been hard and it's really made me think a lot. Hope it was worth it. Please review.**

* * *

"Well, when I finished teacher training I got offered three jobs – but it isn't like that anymore." Kieran looked across the breakfast table at Naomi who was flicking through pages of the Sheffield University Undergraduate Prospectus.

"Christ! , I still don't know why I chose Roundview – even teaching for that matter – although of course I wouldn't have met your mother. You know Naomi, silver linings and all that."

"Yeah, well thanks for that Kieran, but I've sort of got a bit of a fucking dilemma and I have this feeling that whatever I choose will be wrong!"

"Look Naomi, you've got to go for it, you'll regret it if you don't. Emily's a sweet girl but can you say you'll be together in 5 years – or even 2? And what would you do – a gap year with her? That doesn't look as good on CVs these days, putting off the evil day and all that."

Christ, does Kieran actually know what it feels like to be completely and utterly in love with someone- paralysing all common sense and making rational decisions impossible? Naomi knew he was right – but right for others – not for her. I bet he wouldn't be so good at sorting himself out – kissing a student didn't seem like a clever thing to do did it? Naomi mused.

* * *

"Hi, hun." Emily planted a kiss on Naomi's cheek and flopped down on the sofa. "Christ, that librarian, you know the one with acne and greasy hair, he kept staring at my tits. Mind you, he found all this stuff on Mexico. I bet he thought he was well in there."

"You should have asked him if they had a copy of Lesbian News, that would have shut him up."

"Yeah, right, I didn't think of that. Anyway they're some great guides – you can get work in an orphanage – get some money together – we could go on to Costa Rica – wouldn't that be great? No parents, no Katie – just you and me Naomi – I love you so much I want to be with you all the time – it wouldn't even matter if we were chambermaiding together at the Royal in Bedminster, I'd still be happy."

Naomi turned away, unable to look Emily in the face. She was so beautiful, so trusting – how could she put a dampener on her plans when she had invested so much of herself in them? But she would be lying to herself if she didn't confront things now.

"Ems, you know I love you more than anything – but have we thought this through? I'm not sure if it's the right thing – I mean there's uni to think of and what about money? My mum said she would pay my tuition fees if I got a loan for the rest – but she's not going to pay for a year's dossing around is she?"

"I thought you wanted to be with me?" Emily's face clouded and her enthusiasm was replaced by that same feeling she had when Naomi had walked out on her at the lake."Shit – we're not going to get another chance like this are we? Naomi – I love you. I can't be without you."

Naomi's stomach tightened. She felt something pulling on her – like the reins when she was tiny and wanted to run free. Couldn't you love and be free? Did you have to give things up for someone who you felt deeply about?

"For fuck's sake Emily, you're in my heart and you're bursting it open but I've got this uni stuff as well – but that's in my head and those two places are so far apart – and I can't cope with this just now."

Tears trickled down her cheeks as she kissed Emily with such passion that it left her breathless. Naomi turned to collect her bag. "Ems I've got to go to that careers thing – I'll phone you." With that she was gone. Emily, now crying herself, hugged her knees and slid sobbing back on the sofa.

* * *

Emily awoke to the sound of her phone and knocked it off the bedside table. "Shit. Oh hi Naoms – bit early isn't it?"

"Emily I've got to go with mum to this work thing of hers, she really needs me there, so she says, so it looks like I won't see you 'til Monday."

"Oh, that's fucking great Naomi. What about that party Cook told us about? I thought it would be what we needed – some mindless fun and sex – to forget all the future stuff."

"Yeah, but my mum really needs me – she's a bit flaky at the moment."

"Well, you owe me for this right? Monday night, OK? You better get some sleep in because you're gonna need it."

"Right, I think I know what's on offer here. My place then. I'll text you Monday. Got to go."

"By hun, counting down the hours and don't enjoy yourself!"

* * *

Naomi showered, plaited her hair and caught the bus to Temple Meads. The train was on time leaving and she found a window seat next to a man who was busy on his laptop for the entire journey. Once in London she caught the tube down to Goldsmith's. The Open Day started at 11 and she felt excited yet guilty at deceiving Emily. It wasn't as if she was doing something wrong was it? – she had to consider her options as Kieran had nagged at her –but why had she not been brave enough to admit this? Emily didn't look into the future like her did she? It was enough for her to escape family stuff wasn't it?

The morning was taken up with a tour led by some second year students – they enthused about the social side and how supportive the SU was. Naomi was uncertain about being given a 'mother' to look after her in her first year but knew that Goldsmith's and Roundview were a world apart. It was all very exciting and a bit overwhelming.

Lunch break – Naomi went out to one of the green areas for a smoke. As she walked across to one of the benches she crossed the path of a girl who was rummaging in her bag and nearly collided with her.

"Oh sorry, I was just… Aren't you at Roundview?" Sophia knew straightaway who she was talking to – her heartbeat had quickened and her eyes must have given her away surely?

"Oh yeah, hi – I think I've seen you around – didn't you do that charity three-legged race last term?" Naomi vaguely knew this girl – she was pretty with dark hair that looked slightly old fashioned but framed her face beautifully with those striking brown eyes.

"Yeah, I saw you at the election thing – I think you should have won – that Cook boy is a joke – I don't know why people voted for him. Look I've got to go to this talk at the Fine Arts Department now – are you getting a lift back to Bristol?"

Secretly Naomi was hoping she wasn't going back by train.

"Err no, I've got the 5:20 train to catch."

"Oh right that's my one, I'll probably see you on it."

Neither girls had noticed the photographer taking photos for the new prospectus - but if they had they wouldn't have known the significance, would they?

Naomi was a little intrigued – how come this girl who was pretty, obviously bright enough to apply for Goldsmith's and yet was hardly ever seen around school?

Naomi's afternoon was taken up by talks in the Social Anthropology and History Departments. She liked both and could see herself doing either subject. Goldsmith's was everything Roundview wasn't: it was adult, stimulating and away from Bristol.

* * *

The station was busy – commuter rush hour, but she got there early as soon as the train arrived.

"Oh hi." Just as she had settled into her seat Sophia appeared looking slightly out of breath.

"God, I had to get a taxi – it cost a fortune – the talk at Fine Arts went on for ages but it was brilliant. Can I?"

"Sure," said Naomi and Sophia settled into the seat opposite her – the table between them already cluttered with her things. An elderly couple moved along towards them looking for seats.

"Excuse me, but are these two seats taken?"

"Oh no, look why don't you take these two – I can sit next to my friend here." Sophia gathered up her bag and sat down next to Naomi.

Sitting next to someone else is completely different from facing them. Side by side is like talking to your friend in the dark at your first sleepover – no eye contact, savour their words – tell secrets. Not that Naomi had any intention of doing this.

"I've seen you at Roundview with friends – that Thomas, he looks so nice and the twins – is it Emily and Katie? – they used to look so alike didn't they?"

"Yeah, I'll miss them all next year – Naomi suddenly realising that today she was possibly setting that in motion – uni – new friends – and Emily. Christ, what was she going to do? Hardly likely that Emily was going to apply for Goldsmith's was it?

"I don't think I've seen you around much – you probably work a lot harder than me, I guess,"said Naomi.

"I've found it hard to make friends – I've tried, but well….. it's been hard – ever since my dad…."

She turned to look at Sophia. Her eyes glistened as she faced Naomi. A tear rolled down her cheek.

"It's too hard to explain – I want to say but I can't ………….. there's no one to tell. My mum, Matt, they wouldn't understand ….."

When Naomi thought back to what happened next she realised that at that moment a train of events was set in motion that devastated her and Emily and caused untold misery to a family she was never to meet.

"I could tell you – you would listen, I know."

Naomi, as she would to her mother when she talked about her dad, put her hand on Sophia's. Before she could reply to this, Sophia's fingers curled around Naomi's and squeezed gently.

"Please listen, this secret is killing me – I feel like I'm dying and there's no one out there. I've no friends, I go home from school, Matt doesn't talk to me any more, my mother wouldn't want to hear…….

Naomi sensed what was coming but couldn't not listen.

"Ever since primary school I've liked girls. I thought I would fancy boys but it never happened. I've been too frightened to do or say anything – I couldn't stop thinking about Chloe in 12LR last term but she moved to America. I never even spoke to her. But you probably wouldn't understand what it's like – you're so beautiful – you've got lots of friends and the pick of the boys at Roundview I guess."

God, had Sophia not been at the Love Ball, seen her and Emily together around school, listened to the gossip? Obviously not, Naomi realised – and now she had either to tell Sophia or start a pretence – a lie, or maybe just listen?

"I'd fantasise about girls – ridiculously – because they were obviously straight. The only girls I knew like me are together – Emma and Sal in Year 13."

"Look Sophia, I guess it must be really hard but none of my friends would give a shit if you said you were gay, even guys like Cook accept it – even if they do take the piss sometimes."

"Naomi, I've told you things that no one else knows – you've listened, you're so kind." Sophia's eyes filled with tears again. "Life's so shit – I meet a beautiful, caring girl who listens to all the crap I've been going through and she's straight. I bet most girls would've run a mile by now."

Just then the ticket inspector arrived and the flow of their conversation was broken. At the same time Naomi's phone bleeped with a text.

'Hi hun, hope you're not too bored see you on Mon. Ems xxx'

"God! My mum! She'll be worrying about me when I'm thirty!" Naomi put away her phone and they talked about Goldsmith's until the conversation petered out.

"Look Naomi,I can't stand this – I've actually lied to you ……."

"Bristol Temple Meads – please check that you have all your luggage with you and thank you for travelling with South West Trains."

The train slowed as it approached the station.

"Look Naomi could we go somewhere, I don't need to be back – I've got a key – Matt doesn't care and mum goes to bed early."

Why did Naomi feel that tugging of reins again? Emily was pulling at her, stopping her doing things – isn't it enough to just love someone? Is this what it's going to feel like? Feeling guilty talking to another girl, making excuses, lying, deceiving and then feeling shit about it? Fuck it!

"Come to my place – we can walk from Bedminster Station – it's only just up the hill from there."

They walked in silence, neither knowing what to say – each with lies to explain or omissions to fill in. The silence was not awkward however; it was a beautiful evening and the Bristol landscape gradually unfolded as they climbed the rise that led to Naomi's house. As they came closer they could hear music from the pub opposite, people out on the pavement smoking, laughing, being honest with one another no doubt.

Naomi unlocked the door and they went in.

"Drink?"

Naomi found half a bottle of value vodka and two glasses.

"I couldn't stand living at home with mum and her new boyfriend – you know it's Kieran – he teaches philosophy at Roundview you've seen him around. When mum's friend got offered a lecture tour in America she offered this place rent free –'Just water the plants and pay the bills – but no parties!'

They sat on the sofa glasses in hand.

"Naomi, I wanted to tell you – I don't want to lie to you – if I lie to you I can't be your friend. I lied to you about Chloe. It wasn't her at all. It was a girl with blonde hair – the kindest person I've ever met – I've seen around school and how she is with her friends. She's brave and clever and believes in things. Now I've said it – I'm so, so sorry, but I had to say it – it was killing me – you'll want me to leave now won't you? I'm so sorry."

Tears flowed freely as she got up.

"Sophia, sit down, there's something I need to tell **you**."

Sophia looked completely exhausted – there was nothing left – no hope – it had all come out and she was drained. Naomi would be nice to her wouldn't she – and then she'd leave and go home to - what? A grey, loveless life of silence.

Sophia sat down. Naomi put her arm around her and kissed her on the cheek.

"Sophia, you don't know anything about me do you? I may look like all those things you said about me but that's not the real me. I'm lost, mixed up and don't know what to do. I'm in love with someone but feel trapped. I can't decide anything and it's so painful. I try not to lie but I don't want to hurt people with the truth. I want to share my life but I end up thinking I'm selfish. You think I've sorted everything out but I haven't – I'm like you, just floundering around trying to make sense of things. You've listened to me, but I don't want to talk anymore."

It certainly wasn't her heart or her head that took control now. Naomi looked back at this moment many times to try to understand it but couldn't recreate it – it was of the moment. Passion, lust – no word could describe it because at the time it was purely physical – all words blotted out.

Sophia followed where Naomi led. They lay together on the sofa, bodies entwined, hands exploring each other, clothing lying in heaps on the carpet.

"I've never done this before…"

"Shh.. .. don't speak."

They lost themselves in each other, until exhausted and satisfied they fell asleep in each other's arms.

No one knew – only a poster of Debbie Harry looked across the room at the sleeping girls.

**Please review this - however briefly - it will spur me on to write better stuff. Should I carry on? The next bit will be difficult.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I decided to continue the story – although we know where this all ended up I needed to think about how Naomi would 'disengage' herself from Sophia. Hope you like it – please review to tell me. This is quite short!**

Naomi's arm had gone to sleep – it was under Sophia's waist. She pulled it out gently so as not to wake those lovely brown eyes. Pulling on a top she carefully replaced the blanket over Sophia's very naked body and crept up to her bedroom. A cold bed. She put on pyjamas and slid down under her duvet.

A hundred things were whirling about in her head, things she could do to get out of this obviously impossible situation that she had been drawn into. Drawn into? Had she not caused all this herself? Wasn't she the one who had invited her back? What had she expected to happen? A cup of tea and a cheery wave goodbye? But then she hadn't expected to find out that Sophia had been lusting after her for the past year. Wouldn't anyone be flattered, and think of responding to that? Sophia was attractive and Naomi was mixed up and very vulnerable to a sympathetic ear. A dangerous combination.

Naomi's sleep was troubled by these thoughts and she drifted off intermittently only to wake again and worry. Images of Emily kept appearing in her mind – trusting, loving Emily. She had betrayed all that trust they had – even if she didn't find out. But she would, wouldn't she? How could this be kept secret? Naomi knew that the best way would be to tell Emily what had happened, get it over with – take a chance that she would be forgiven – however long that took. On the other hand this could finish up as the end of their relationship, Naomi couldn't even bear to think of that. She had been in love with Emily since she was 12. How stupid had she been to jeopardise that?

No, the only thing was to tell Sophia it was all a mistake and trust that this could be kept between the two of them. This was going to be one of the hardest things Naomi had ever done. She wasn't someone to hurt others, her mother had brought her up to consider other people – the 'commune' often had discussions about this and although Naomi resented the intrusions into her house by strangers some of the values they tried to live by rubbed off on her.

Naomi heard movement downstairs, maybe Sophia would dress and creep out. But then the situation wouldn't be resolved would it? No, better confront things now. Naomi's heart rate rose as she descended the stairs. Sophia turned, wearing just her underwear and pulling her top over her head.

"Hi."

"Hi." Sophia's eyes gave nothing away – how was Naomi going to play this?

"Do you want some tea – or coffee, I think I've got some somewhere."

"Naomi, what about last night – I've been awake all night thinking about you and what happened and I must be so stupid. You said you were in love with someone didn't you? It's a girl isn't it? You must think I'm blind or something – but I don't really see much around school. Can I know who it is please?"

"Does it matter Sophia? All that matters is that I've cheated on someone and deceived you as well – I'm feeling really good about that right now as you can guess. Last night – I don't know what happened – I sort of felt sorry for you – but I know I took advantage of you and I feel really crap about it now. You don't deserve this because – you know what I'm going to say now don't you? We can't see each other again. Shit if I could rewind things then, …….."

Sophia's face crumpled. Tears started to form and one slid slowly down her cheek. Naomi wished that Sophia would just shout at her or slap her – she deserved that – but this was much harder – what had she done to this girl? Naomi had everything and Sophia had nothing yet what she had done was like kicking someone who was already on the floor beaten.

"I'll go" Sophia started to pick up her things and finish dressing.

"Sophia, you need to hate me for this. I'm not the sort of person you need. You need someone like yourself – caring, thoughtful, someone who will look after you, love you. There's someone out there, I've always believed that – my mum said it's just a matter of time – but that's bollocks – you need to get out there and search."

"Naomi, this isn't just a one night stand you know – I've been in love with you for a long time and I can't just switch that off. Couldn't I see you sometimes – away from here where nobody knows either of us – we could meet in Bath – it's easy to get to. I wouldn't want to see you often."

Naomi knew that this was going to be a lot harder than she could have possibly imagined.

**Very short I know, but I wanted to think hard as to where this is going to go. Will Sophia stalk her? Please review this and let me know your thoughts – feedback will keep me going! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews for the first chapters – it makes it worthwhile and helps me think about what I've written. No, Sophia isn't just going to walk away is she!**

"Sophia , look even if I agreed to meet you somewhere how would that work? My girlfriend – yeah obviously it's a girl but that's all you're getting – she'd find out – that'd be great all round – right?"

"You can't do this to me Naomi – you owe me at least the chance to talk somewhere away from all this stuff, why can't it be Bath? You could get the bus and I'd get a lift from our neighbour, he commutes there every day."

"OK. I can make Wednesday – but look this can't go anywhere can it? Don't think things will be any different in Bath – right?"

"Meet me at the tree in the middle of The Circus – you know the place? 11 o'clock OK?"

Sophia left the house and Naomi lay back on her bed and screamed inwardly with frustration. How the fuck had she got herself into this mess? What to do? First get her mum to cover for her if Emily asked about their work thing together. That was the easy bit. Meeting Emily again, acting normally, that was far harder.

"Mum, I need your help. Please don't lecture me about this, I'm just not in the mood. I needed some time to think about Emily and stuff…."

"You're not splitting up are you….?"

"No! I just need time to sort out my head. I told her I was with you yesterday, but actually I just stayed at home."

Shit why have I just lied to my mum about this? Naomi remembered a book that they did in guided reading in Year 6 – The Lie Spider . This kid started off with a small lie and that caused a further lie and so on – and in the book at the end of each chapter the spider spun its web larger and larger…………

"Well I don't feel good about this darling but I suppose it's not really going to hurt her is it?"

Shit, now I'm deceiving mum – the two people I love most in the whole world and I'm treating them both really shittily. Christ why do I find it so bloody hard to be honest?

* * *

Naomi stayed at home all Sunday not daring to go out and hoping that Emily wouldn't ring. She didn't. Poor trusting Emily. So Naomi texted her.

'Bored x10 cant wt til mon xxxxxxxN'

'c u 7 dnt get dressed!!!ems xxxxx'

Naomi knew that Emily was helping Katie all Monday so she did house stuff and looked at prospectuses and carried on reading The Shadow of the Wind. Still time dragged.

Emily arrived early with a bag of clothes to change into – clearly she had been helping Katie doing some cleaning or something.

After squeezing each other so hard their mouths had to separate for breath……..

"God, Emily it's shower time for you."

"Us, don't you mean?" Emily's cheeky smile made Naomi's heart lurch.

"You get in first, I'll just get some towels"

Naomi's heartbeat shot up in anticipation. As she went into the bathroom the shower was on full power and through the frosted glass she could see Emily's perfect body tantalisingly blurred. She was rubbing shower gel on her breasts, but facing away, so that Naomi could only imagine ……..!"

Quickly stripping off her clothes she opened the shower door – "room for another is there?"

"Sorry love you'll have to wait…."

"The government has said we need to be economic with resources - so just shove the fuck up!"

After pressing their bodies so close together with water trying to get between them they kissed, tongues like battling cobras.

"Actually I never done it in a shower before," Naomi laughed.

"Well actually nor have I – so we'll have to ring someone up to find out what to do. I know – go and ring my mum she's sure to tell you what to do Naomi!"

Naomi, helpless with laughter whacked Emily with a sponge so that she slipped onto her knees. Emily's face was exactly where Naomi liked it and within a short time she shuddered and her legs squeezed slowly together.

"All change please." Emily slowly stood and kissed Naomi again. Naomi sank down.

* * *

Lying side by side on the bed, pink skin, wet hair and wrapped in towels. "Why can't life be this simple?" said Naomi sighing.

"Isn't it?"Emily replied, slightly questioningly.

"I mean, all the other boring stuff that invades our lives and gets in the way of just being happy."

"But we're together aren't we? We don't have to worry about anyone else do we?"

Naomi didn't answer. No, Emily didn't have to worry about anyone else – because she didn't know. Naomi did, and she was winding forward to Wednesday when she would have to confront her past ….what were they? Errors,sins, lies – yes, lies destroy relationships. How could the magic of the closeness of Emily be swept away so quickly?

**OK another short chapter – I hope you like it. Do tell me what you think please! Be honest! I want to be honest to Skins so I can't change anything major. Review please!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A little bit of Cook to cheer us all up to start with. I found this chapter really hard to write and changed direction completely at one point – like the story had a will of its own and I just followed. Spot the bit of Bon Iver coming up! **

**I was feeling a little trapped by this story because the beginning and end are both predetermined. But I hope my inbetween bits are interesting. I did this story because I wanted to try to work out exactly what happened between S&N – it was so important to the whole of S4. Please review!**

Wednesday, Bristol Bus Station

"Naomi! Bit early for you isn't it, shouldn't you be tucked up with Emilio?" Cook's cheeky grin always melted Naomi's heart a little. If she was straight, and he wasn't quite so…… she loved Cook for what he was, he had a loving heart which he tried to hide – but it had never fooled her. What chance had he ever had? JJ had told her all about his dad in Sharpness – how could he bounce back so many times? He needed love from someone who understood him, but that would have to be a very special person. Not Effy – she was too screwed up herself, none of his random one night (ten minute?) encounters had seemed to interest him beyond the immediate - no, he needed a girl who probably didn't exist.

" Thought you might not show up Cook, but thanks."

"Well you know me Naomi, if there's the slightest chance of a willy waggle with a blonde, then the Cooky monster's in there. We can come to an arrangement about this."

Cook patted his pocket and smiled, raising his eyebrows in that questioning way of his.

"Err, no Cook – but don't think I don't appreciate the kind thought – I think I'd rather pay and save myself for that moment sometime in the future."

"Yeah, well Naomi, we all know what happened after the election – but you're special – you and me we know each other."

Naomi kissed Cook on the cheek sliding some notes into his pocket as Cook dropped a packet into her open bag.

"Thought you two used love as your drug of choice?"

"Yeah well, you know, sometimes…….."

"I must go, bus to catch and all that, oh by the way you didn't see me today did you"

"Cooky knows when to keep stum. Off to somewhere nice then?"

"Things to do – see you soon, and by the way, get that shirt washed!"

* * *

Naomi made her way from the bus station in Bath to The Circus. For such a grand ring of houses the green area in the middle was rather disappointing. She could see Sophia sitting up against a tree drawing on a small sketchpad.

"Hi." Sophia smiled in a faintly nervous way, not knowing what to expect from this meeting.

"Hi, Sophia," Naomi replied in a quiet voice. She sat down beside, her glancing at the sketch of a group of the houses opposite."That's really good – do you do much drawing? I used to like drawing but I haven't done any for ages."

Looking back on this Naomi wondered what other pictures might have been in her sketch book. Supposed she had asked to look? Suppose the sketches that Matt and Emily saw on that rooftop were there and she saw them? How would the meeting have gone then?

But she didn't.

"Sophia, this is all turning my head upside down and I'm so fucking sorry for what happened, but I can't undo it. I would give anything to undo what happened, but shit, that's Harry Potter stuff – this is real life and somehow I, no we, have got to do something."

"You say that but what's the way out for me? You just get to go back to Emily – yes I found out who she is – that wasn't hard. You get to go back to fuck that lovely redhead and what do I get? We could be so good together – we could both go to Goldsmith's – I'm sure our AS s will get us offers. Is Emily going to go?"

The look on Naomi's face told Sophia what she had already suspected.

"She doesn't know about your trip to London does she?"

Silence.

"God, you're deceiving that poor girl, aren't you? And you fucked me into the bargain – a good day out eh?"

"It's not like that at all ……….I need to sort things out about uni in my own mind first – I can't handle other people saying stuff about it as well."

"Sounds like your relationship with her is sound doesn't it?"

Sophia's sarcastic tone brought back all Naomi's insecurities in an instant. Her relationship with Emily was based on Emily's trust and her own inability to commit, an inability to share, love completely. She had loved Emily forever ago, but was terrified of letting her into her heart completely. Emily was the one person who could ruin her life. She was terrified of the pain that Emily could inflict on her if it all went wrong. But wasn't what Naomi was doing the thing that was going to make it all go wrong? Emily was devoted to her – it was all her was it? She held the keys to disaster, not Emily.

Sophia's tone softened as she saw the effect of her words on Naomi's beautiful face. Her eyes shone as moisture began to drift across her eyes.

"Naomi, you're just as fucked up as me. We need each other don't we? – but in different ways."

**If you've hung on this far PLEASE review it – however short - are you enjoying it? Please say – good and bad – anything, so I know you are out there – the net is so mysterious isn't it!! **


	5. Chapter 5

**This is the last chapter! I've really enjoyed writing it with the constraints that I imposed by following the Skins story. Apologies for any mistakes with details – some bits have been a bit crap I know but I hope you enjoy some of this last bit. PLEASE review this – positive or negative – say what you think – I did it to answer questions that were nagging at me – I wrote it as a way of working it all out for myself.**

Had she come all the way for this? Sophia stood up. "I need time to think, Naomi. I want to see you again – I know we can help each other. Just stop trying to deny it to yourself."

"Look, Sophia, I also need time to think. Come back on the bus with me but I'll get off the stop before the bus station – I don't want anyone seeing us together. I've thought of something – but I'll tell you on the way home."

They walked in silence, each deep in thought unable to choose the right words to express the whirl of emotions that circled their heads.

The bus was nearly empty and they sat on the top deck away from other passengers. Naomi waited to pluck up the courage to speak.

"Look Sophia, I've an idea. Please listen. There's a club I've heard of – it's on the outskirts of town. It's mainly gays who go there – nobody we know would ever be seen there. It would be a good place to meet – and meet others as well – you need to meet other girls – you know we can only be friends and nothing more don't you?"

"I can't believe you feel nothing for me Naomi. On Saturday evening we did stuff – you didn't exactly have to be forced did you? You didn't say much but I could tell. You may be in a relationship but I know your lonely."

"Sophia, we'll meet at the club – I don't really want to go over all this again – can't you tell? I've got some stuff that'll make you feel good – take it before you go in and you won't feel nervous – it's great, I got it from someone I know. Just rub some on your gums – don't be worried I've used it loads of times."

Naomi gave Sophia the packet that Cook had sold to her that morning. She tucked it into her bag. Naomi inwardly sighed with relief – the first hurdle was over. Now if she could only get Sophia to meet other gay girls …..

They hardly spoke and the bus neared the outskirts of Bristol. Naomi gave Sophia directions to the club.

"Couldn't we go there tonight, Naomi?"

"No, sorry,I'm going with Emily to The Warehouse – Thomas is DJ-ing there – the gang are going to be there so it has to be tomorrow – right?"

At the mention of Emily's name Sophia felt an inward lurch – how she had come to loathe that name – if Emily vanished she would be able….The bus lurched as a cyclist wobbled in front. The driver swerved violently.

Neither Sophia or Naomi saw the packet of white powder fall out of her bag to the floor. Icing sugar trickled out of one corner. Cook was usually so reliable, but when you're pissed it's easy to miss a switched packet. He should have gone to Uncle Keith's.

"Right, Sophia, see you tomorrow night – don't ring or text me – I'll be there – OK?"

….

Christ this secrecy was killing her. Naomi got off the bus and made her way home. As she walked she ran through the last few days over and over again. How could she have been so fucking stupid – the Lie Spider was getting stronger – but what had overcome it in the story? She remembered clearly – telling the truth. Easy for some primary school kids who would only get a telling off and then a comforting cuddle later. Not so easy for Naomi. She resolved to tell Emily a mild version of recent events after she saw Sophia – hopefully for the last time tomorrow night.

Sophia walked home full of misplaced optimism for the coming date with Naomi. She stopped at a corner shop to buy a drink. As she delved into her bag for her purse she began to realise that the packet was not there. A thorough search confirmed her worst fears – it had gone!

Shit. She couldn't face the club stone cold sober. Naomi would think she had bottled it and deliberately 'lost' the drugs. Alcohol? But that only made her mood better if she was happy – nervous? – she might fall apart. No, she would have to go and see Matt's friend Tom. She knew he dealt locally and always had a big smile whenever he saw Sophia. She could easily go home via his house – she could pay him another time – the advantage of having Matt as your brother.

With 'something that'll be just what you need' in her bag she left Tom's house and went home.

….

Naomi was just about to text Emily when her phone rang – shit! It was Emily!

"Hi hun, tell me what you're wearing right now – I want you to take each thing off and tell me what you're doing."

"Fine, but the Bristol Ladies Bowling Team who are having tea here might be a little shocked don't you think?"

"Oh, right, couldn't you tell them to look out the window or something and put their fingers in their ears?" Emily could hear Naomi trying not to giggle and maintain her serious voice.

"Yeah, but one of them might be gay and jump me."

"Well since you're obviously not going to take your clothes off for me I'm going to have to come round and do it myself so you better get rid of them – and tell them to take their balls with them. We don't do balls do we?"

"Right, I think I get you drift here – pick up some Stalovich on the way."

….

Sophia showered and put on the white dress with sparkly straps that Matt had bought her ( with a little prompting and reluctance on his side). It had been her birthday -17- and nobody at Roundview even knew. This was the first time she had worn it.

….

Standing behind her Emily took off Naomi's top, unhooked her bra and ran her hands round her sides to the front.

"They won't always be like this you know, when we're both 50 you won't want to do this."

"Christ, don't be so depressing Naomi –that's at least 30 years away."

She reached around the front and unzipped her jeans and Naomi wriggled out of them, Emily expertly using her thumbs to make sure that her knickers followed them down. Naomi turned round and Emily inwardly gasped at what she had been dreaming about all day.

…

Sophia left her house and, trying to remember Tom's direction to get to The Warehouse, set off towards the city centre. Stopping in a shop doorway Sophia rubbed some of Tom's powder across her gums. Almost immediately she felt strange, lifted,alive. She walked on less aware of the people she passed until she neared the back of the club. She stopped in an alleyway and got out the packet. A siren sounded nearby but she paid no attention.

….

Emily and Naomi set off, weaving slightly but holding each other, arms around waists. They stopped in a doorway and kissed urgently pressing up against each other trying to recreate the moment of two hours before.

They didn't see the figure in the doorway. Sophia saw them. She saw them enter the club, two beautiful girls, arm in arm, laughing and giggling, oblivious to everything except themselves.

Sophia set off across the car park to the same door. Opening it she went inside and started to climb the stairs.

At exactly the same moment Ishrat Patel night cleaner at Bristol Transport swept up a small packet of white powder and moved on to the next seat.

**Well that's it. Sad,sad,sad. No one should commit suicide – do we do enough to help? A wasted tell me what you thought - either the last chapter or the whole story. It will spur me on to write more and get better. Thanks for all reviews so far, especially – well you know!**

**IT IS REALLY IMPOTRANT TO GET REVIEWS _ GOOD OR BAD!**


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